What is fear? The dictionary says "concern or anxiety; solicitude" among other things. For me fear if that is what you may call it is in fact an anxiety. I find that in new situations or in making decisions I develop anxiety or a fear of the outcome. This has gone way back for me, to my adolescence even. Don't get me wrong, I'm very spontaneous and I love new things and new places, I develop the anxiety to make a decision to get to those things or places that is the problem. Once the decision is made, or I've gotten where I want to be, usually there is no anxiety and I'm excited and happy about the change.
So here I am writing about this because I want to help find why in fact I have this so-called "fear". I write to find others whom can relate to me and my experiences. I write to find answers and understandings, yet have something to reflect on later so I can go back and see how I have grown. I think deep down inside, I fear outcomes of my decisions. I fear they will not always be the desired outcome, whether I know what the desired outcome is or not. Is that making any sense at all?
Ok, so lets take my anxiety I am having over going to the gym for example. We all know I want to lose weight, I want to be healthy and change my outlook on the physical me. Yet I constantly avoid the gym for stupid reasons like I don't want people to look at me, or what if I can't keep up with others in the gym. I tend to focus on the things around me and the people around me instead of my goal for being there and that I'm the most important person in that gym. I tend to forget why I set that goal in the first place because the idea of changing is scary and I don't know what the final result will be. Sounds stupid, am I right? Well that's how I get sometimes and I'm not sure how to overcome it.
I ponder how to overcome my many faults, this just being one of them. I wonder if it is possible and when it will happen. Fear is a crazy thing and it effects many people, so there has to be some kind of cure for it. I hear exercise is great for anxiety and depression, yet I can't seem to get my butt off the couch and do it. I guess that first step is the hardest and will always be the hardest. Wish I could find more things to motivate me, besides wanting to help others all the time. It would be great if I could learn to help myself!
