Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

The death of one of the most amazing men of my generation came as a shock to all of us on Wednesday October 5, 2011. Steve Jobs, the founder of NeXT, Pixar, and Apple finally could not fight his illnesses any longer. The man started apple with a friend in his home when he was only 20. That is innovation if you ask me. Like other technology leaders of this time, Bill Gates, Zuckerberg, etc, he will be remembered and it is sad to see a man of this genius leave us at the young age of 56.

                “‘If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.’ It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been ‘No’for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” – Steve Jobs

The quote above comes from his speech in 2005 at Stanford University (see link below).  It touches a lot of people, the words.  They should definitely be words we all live by.  We should learn to live each day to the fullest we can, with no regrets, so that if the day comes that it is our last day we can look back and smile.  This is what he did.  He had a vision, and he followed his vision into reality, creating Apple and Pixar, two in a handful of amazing successful companies out there that everyone knows.  The man will continue to flourish even after death.

The day Steve Jobs died, Apple.com had on their homepage these words:

Apple has lost a visionary and creative genius and the world has lost an amazing human being. Those of us who have been fortunate enough to know and work with Steve have lost a dear friend and an inspiring mentor. Steve leaves behind a company that only he could have build and his spirit will forever be the foundation of Apple.

These words also touch my heart, although I have never met the man.  I can honestly say that Steve Jobs is one of my role models.  I want to live life as he did, be innovative and creative while showing everyone new ideas can come to life if you keep working at it.  I want to be talented with things I enjoy and leave a mark on society that will be forever remembered.  I may never be rich, I may never be as famous as Jobs, but my goal is to be something.  I want to be something to my family and friends and leave something behind for them that make them remember who I was, and what I accomplished.  Mr. Jobs will remain a role model for me as I continue in my career in computers and technology and I will forever be thankful for the things he brought to our world.

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

Overcoming hurdles

Been awhile since I blogged again, so thought I'd attempt to get some things off my mind.  Things have been busy the last couple of months.  We moved to a new home, a house not an apartment.  Stephen had a job transition, Skylar got into the Prep school and I've been driving myself crazy because that is what I do best.

Things get hectic sometimes, and the first thing I do, I raise my stress levels to a point I get aggravated, I get to a point where I feel out of control with every thing and then I start snapping at people who are supposed to mean the most of me.  Why I am like this, I do not know, but I have gotten to a point in my life where I realize when I am doing it.  Although I have not narrowed down the root cause of the problem, it is a step in the right direction that I recognize that I am in that mood before I say something I regret.  Now I just need to learn what my triggers are and how to control them.  It's not fair to others, but it's not fair to myself either, that I constantly beat myself up and make myself feel bad for things I cannot control.

It's funny how when we are feeling our worst we remember those around us who are the real friends and the true friends and how many fake ones there are around us.  Those who want to be there just to be there for you are there without you even asking.  The ones you think are you friend and you reach out to and they do respond are the ones you want to leave behind.  Why people pretend they are there for you when they need help, but really never are exist, I'm not sure why, but they do.  It's a matter of me learning to not trust so easily and open myself to so many.  I need to guard myself and save myself for the real friends instead of helping and being there for so many other people all the time.  Then I can devote my time and energy on those who are truly deserving.

My anger today came on so easily and I still am not completely sure what set it off, but it was mostly directed at one person.  This person I feel is taking advantage of my kindness and understanding, it's almost as if he feels he deserves the things he gets.  Yet this person does not say thank for the things done for him, offer to help with anything in return and it's really starting to get on m nerves.  I want to shake him and make him hear why I am so angry with him.  But instead I hold it in and make myself feel bad for the things I am thinking and how it should be more about giving only and less for receiving.  Ugh, always on myself for everything!  Why can't I change that about myself?

I am working on some goals in my life.  Some of those things include my self confidence.  I find I lack it a lot lately.  I know part of it is my health and weight, and I am finally going to go to a doctor about that and see what exactly needs to be done to fix those things....if at all possible.  I am working on learning to stop the negative self talk and seeing the bad in everything.  There can't be bad in everything...right?  There has to be some positives out there in at least half the things I grope and complain about.  A friend mentioned me tonight about something called simple wins.  Instead of tearing myself up for my emotional eating today, why not find a small win somewhere in the day, like I drank only water today and that's a good thing.  I guess it's worth a shot, it cant' hurt me right?  I'm also going to start writing a book, I want to be known for something in the world, make my mark and have someone say wow about me.  So watch out world, maybe there is an amazing writer hidden in here somewhere and I'm going to let her out to the world!

Life changes for now

I haven't blogged in awhile, I've been busy with life in general.   Life has had so many ups and downs lately.  It's crazy how things can change in an instant.  Today someone from the car club we have all known for a very long time and was close to many of us passed away.  He died this morning in a motorcycle accident, he leaves behind 3 little girls and his family.  RIP Jimmy Arroyo.  We never know when our time is up or what is going to happen in a day to change everything.

I have been engaged since St. Patrick's day. No we have not set a date yet.  It was not expected and came out of no where that he finally asked me.  He asked me in front of my sister, her husband, his step-sister Shawna and a good friend of ours Chris Zamora.  He got down on one knee and presented me with a very pretty ring that has a black diamond for a center stone surrounded by smaller white diamonds in the bands.   It's not big or extravagant, but it is definitely me! We will probably plan a wedding in June of 2012, if we survive the so called end of the world in May...hahahaha.

Another big change, the original plan was to take over his mother's house, while they move to Illinois, well after we gave our notice and were getting ready to move, they went into foreclosure.  The bank owns the house now and there is no way to save it so we were left with no where to live.  It became a bad rush to figure out where to go next because our lease is up June 17th.  I finally found a house that was not swept out from under us and applied for it.  We were accepted and will move in July 1st.  Only problem was we had to ask apartment if we can stay till then.  They are letting us, but at a much higher market rate, our rent in June will be over 200 more than what it usually is, this sucks big time.  It will be tight financially the next few months, what with deposits and higher rent and needing to buy a refrigerator for the house. It is a very pretty house though, it is four bedroom 2 bathroom and a 2 car garage.  it sits on a pretty lot with a fenced in back yard.  It will be nice to be in something bigger for a change.  I am looking forward to the change.  Only thing I will miss is our pool, but I plan on buying an above ground pool to have fun in.

I'm considering going back to school for my masters, but I really don't wan to pay for it.  Is it weird that I miss school?  I've only been out for 5  years, but it feels like forever.  It will take forever to pay off the student loans I already have, but a masters degree is so enticing. We will have to see what the future brings :)

Fearing the unfamiliar

What is fear?  The dictionary says "concern or anxiety; solicitude" among other things.  For me fear if that is what you may call it is in fact an anxiety.  I find that in new situations or in making decisions I develop anxiety or a fear of the outcome.  This has gone way back for me, to my adolescence even.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very spontaneous and I love new things and new places, I develop the anxiety to make a decision to get to those things or places that is the problem.  Once the decision is made, or I've gotten where I want to be, usually there is no anxiety and I'm excited and happy about the change.


So here I am writing about this because I want to help find why in fact I have this so-called "fear".   I write to find others whom can relate to me and my experiences.  I write to find answers and understandings, yet have something to reflect on later so I can go back and see how I have grown.  I think deep down inside, I fear outcomes of my decisions.  I fear they will not always be the desired outcome, whether I know what the desired outcome is or not.  Is that making any sense at all?


Ok, so lets take my anxiety I am having over going to the gym for example.  We all know I want to lose weight, I want to be healthy and change my outlook on the physical me.  Yet I constantly avoid the gym for stupid reasons like I don't want people to look at me, or what if I can't keep up with others in the gym.  I tend to focus on the things around me and the people around me instead of my goal for being there and that I'm the most important person in that gym.  I tend to forget why I set that goal in the first place because the idea of changing is scary and I don't know what the final result will be.  Sounds stupid, am I right?  Well that's how I get sometimes and I'm not sure how to overcome it.


I ponder how to overcome my many faults, this just being one of them.  I wonder if it is possible and when it will happen.  Fear is a crazy thing and it effects many people, so there has to be some kind of cure for it.  I hear exercise is great for anxiety and depression, yet I can't seem to get my butt off the couch and do it.  I guess that first step is the hardest and will always be the hardest.  Wish I could find more things to motivate me, besides wanting to help others all the time.  It would be great if I could learn to help myself!

2010 coming to end...2011 new beginnings!

There are only five days left in 2010, five more days to sit and ponder the things I accomplished this year, and the things I did not.  I am usually the type of person who does not set new year resolutions (goals), but for 2011 I have a different outlook than I believe I had for 2010.

This past year had ups and downs for me, as I'm sure it had for many others.  I had a few goals that I met, things like reducing debt, reducing stress and beginning to change my health lifestyle.  These may not seem like large things to the average person, but for me these were minor victories.  I was able to reduce my debt by 20%.  I was able to reduce my stress by at least 50% with a new job and income increase and alternatives other than medicine.  I am proud of these small obstacles and hope to keep continuing on them.

Friends were a challenge this past year.  I learned a lot about people whom I thought were my friends, and those who truly are.  I strengthened relationships with friends whom at this point in my life I believe to be true, and I am slowly removing the others from my life.  I've learned that not everyone is going to like me and I am not always going to want to pretend to like everyone else.  I've come to that point in my life where people that matter the most are going to be the priority in my life.  I understand that pushing the "bad eggs" out so to speak can cause people to say bad things about me or criticize me, but honestly I really do not care what people think of me any more.  Yes, I want to be accepted and liked, but in the end it won't matter.  I have learned that a few really good friends is better than a lot of acquaintances.  I plan to continue to grow in this area and make a difference in the lives of those who do matter.


So hear it goes, my 2011 new years resolutions.  These are some goals I have for the 2011 year.
  

1.  Drop the rest of the weight I have gained and get in the best shape of my life.

2.  Try to get my healthy lifestyle to be 85% organic and good for my body.

3.  Make exercise a daily routine and enjoy it for it's health benefits and stress relief.

4.  Do something to give back to others/society, whether it be community service or some other non-selfish act.

5.  Continue to reduce my debt.

6.  Make my bonds with good friends stronger and continue to grow our  friendship on many levels.

7.  Travel out of the state of Texas at least twice.

I think these are good goals to begin with and that they are all achievable if I work hard and continue what I am doing.  I know there are other things on my lists of "to-dos" but these seven are what I really want to concentrate on.  So my journey to continue being healthy and a better person will continue into 2011 and hopefully I can learn from others as well as teach others the many things I learn on the way.

Goals, do we set them to achieve them, or do we constantly fail?

Today I am in a somber mood, not really down, but not really in a great high either.  I'm just me and I'm just here getting through the day.  I sometimes sit and just ponder about things like I am now, I am sitting her wondering if I constantly set goals and never achieve them or if I actually set them to help keep me motivated.  I guess I feel like I have not been reaching any of my goals for awhile now.

I guess I should look at it first, what is a goal?  Why do we set goals to begin with?  A goal is simply something we want to accomplish, usually within a specific time frame.  It is something we are striving for, pushing ourselves to get to and then sometimes there is a reward in the end.  I guess I wonder why we set these so-called goals, but constantly not reach them.  Is it something we just cannot achieve, or is it because we lack will and motivation to keep shooting towards this goal?  Should we even look at these little successes as goal achievements or something we knew we could just do anyway?  So why do we need goals?  Are they really that important if we set them and don't achieve them?  I am searching for the real purpose of what makes goals important in our lives and what we can do to achieve them more.

 I sit her and ponder, why am I here, am I at a point in my life that I am happy with the choices I've made and have I done some of my life goals to get where I am.  Or am I stuck and need to get a move on to figure out why I am here and what am I doing wrong that I am where I am in life.  Am I at a point in my life that I can truly say I have achieved a lot and I know I can accomplish more.....

So let's say I am not where I want to be, how do I figure out where and what I am lacking to be content right where I am?  I am 30 years old, I am not married, I have no children.  I do almost completely own a car, I have a very good job and a college degree.  I have made mistakes in the past I've learned from and have not repeated.   Yet there are goals I've set that I have not achieved yet and that were on my to-do list by the age of 30.  I had wanted to be a mother to at least one child by now...nope didn't accomplish that.  I wanted to have a masters degree, but nope haven't even started that.  A more recent goal...drop all this excess weight in last 5 years needs to go, but I've gained and lost the same 8-10 pounds for last year.  So am I purposely sabotaging this weight loss goal and why?


I guess I might be thinking into this too much, but sometimes we need to write it down to evaluate it and figure out what exactly is going on.  I am trying to find my ground, a place in life where I am content and peaceful.  I have not found that ground yet, but I think if I keep exploring new things and continue on a path of getting healthy that I could find this place in the near future.  As for these goals I've failed at, do I need them, should I keep them?  I don't know the answer to that, but maybe for now I will keep them and try harder at trying to achieve them.  If I find I consistently fail, well maybe...just maybe goals is something I do not need to get ahead and where I want to be....

Breast Cancer 3-day 2010

Breast Cancer 3-day 2010 - Dallas, TX.  What another year with more amazing memories and experiences.  Yes I tortured myself as my friends tell me to walk 60 miles over 3 days for a cause such as breast cancer.  I enjoyed the experience so much last year, I came back and did it again.  I trained like for months before hand, walking to improve my stamina and strength, I joined some other teams in the area for training walks, etc.  Yet in the end this time, I am injured and still hurting over a week later.  Am I upset that I am hurt or regretting the walk though....not at all.

Day 1 - Friday November 5th, 2010

The first day of the 3day began very early.  I woke from my warm bed and only about four and half hours of sleep at 4:20am.  I took a quick shower and wrapped my feet, got all my gear together and ready.  I woke Stephen around 5am so that he would have few minutes to wake up before driving me to the other side of town to begin my walk.  This year opening ceramonies were held at Collin Creek Mall in Plano, TX.  I arrived around 6am, hugged Stephen and Skylar good bye and got my gear loaded onto the correct truck (H-94).  I walked around for a bit to warm up and bought myself a 2010 pin from the tent.  My team, Team Pink-it-up had not arrived yet.  There were only 3 of us on a team this year.  
It was pretty cold Friday morning, they said it was only in the 40s, which would explain why I could not get my legs to warm up.    My team arrived around 6:15am and we took some pictures at the opening ceremonies sign, etc.  We had to wait till around 7:30 or so before they would round us all up for community stretching and opening speeches.  I just remember how eager I was to start walking and how cold I was.  I was wearing nothing but my 3/4 length workout pants and a t shirt with a sweatshirt over the top.  Definately starting this year colder than the year before. 
So the morning ceremonies begin, we all huddle into the holding area and stretch.  The flags come out one by one, I begin to cry.  It doesn't matter how hard you try to hold back, the tears just come.  It's an emotional time and it's going to be an emotional trip for the next three days, so I didn't see anything wrong with showing a little bit of emotion.   Finally the walk begins, and we wait to file out of our big holding area into one big line of people to walk all over the city of Dallas.  It takes about 10-15 minutes before Tammi, Stacy and I begin our walk.  People cheering us on and walking quickly in the beginning to warm our muscles up, we start our journey.  It takes me about 20 minutes before my muscles become warm enough to know I'm ready to find my pace.  My pace is a bit slower than Tammi or Stacy, I don't know if naturally it is slower or I just don't train/exercise as much as them, but I kept up with them for 80% of the entire first day.  I don't mind walking alone though, I meet awesome new people and enjoy the scenery as I walk. 
Day 1 I walk the entire 22.4 miles that my GPS tracker told me I walked.  I was a little stiff, and had one small blister trying to form, but nothing major.  I stretch really well in the stretching areas at camp that night, stretching legs and back for about 20 minutes, it felt great!  I bought myself a 3-day sweatshirt and new pair of inserts for my shoes at the tents.  I noticed my shoes weren't in as great as shape as last year this time around so I think the $50 investment on the inserts really helped me the last 2 days this year.  The dinner was pretty good, it was chicken and salad and rolls, etc.  I did not eat the dessert as I was full.  Man by the time I finished dinner and headed to shower, the temperatures dropped a lot.  After I showered and bundled up the best I could with what I had, the temps had already dropped to 39 degrees.  I stayed in the food tent and enjoyed the karaoke and little bit of warmth from outside.  When I finally headed off to bed, I knew it was going to be a rough night for me. 
During the night the temps they say dropped to the low 30s.  I would believe that, because even sleeping in sweatshirt, pants, socks, hat, etc inside a sleeping bag with a Mylar blanket over it, I felt like I could not get warm.  I had my own tent this year, I guess person I was supposed to tent with did not walk.  So no extra body heat in the tent and on the cold ground I slept very little Friday night.  I woke twice during night to have to pee and shivered the whole way to the porta potties and back.  Come morning I was eager for some hot chocolate and warmth....

Day 2 - November 6th, 2010

Day two begins very cold.  There is frost on the ground outside our tents, I am bundled up and still cold, standing near heaters by the showers to get a little warmth.   Even the food tent didn't offer the warmth I so seeked this morning.  Breakfast was eggs and sausage and oatmeal, etc.  I really enjoyed the hot oatmeal, it was only thing that seemed to warm my insides.  I never did find my team in the morning so decided to walk the day alone, again something I don't mind.  I did begin my walk why a Mylar blanked folded up wrapped around my kidney's because I could not get them warm, I felt like my back was freezing!  So I leave our camp and begin walking in the cold with many others.  It takes about two hours before I stuff the noisy blanket into my fanny pack because I'm finally warm enough.  I'm a little stiff and sore, but I notice a huge difference with my shoe inserts!  Totally awesome, thank you New Balance!

I end up taking one sweep van during day 2, I take the sweep to lunch.  At lunch I have them tape up some blisters that are forming on my feet, before they get too bad.  So unfortunately I lost about 2 miles of my walk on day 2.  I do walk the rest of the day which I am very proud of though.   At one point past the cheering station and before pitstop 4, I run into my team for a little while.  They look super cute in their matching hats, etc.  I do not match them though because I didn't let them know soon enough that I was for sure walking.  Both their husbands (Frisco fire department men) are awesome also, cheering them on and me when they say me the whole day.  It's awesome to see that kind of support for people as they walk.  They are also awesome because they set up our tents and took them down for us, this was really nice to me, since I did not expect that at all.
At pitstop 4 I rest for just a bit and stretch really well again because I am getting sore.  I have them double check my tape ups and blisters so they can get me moving again.   The last 6 or so miles for the day went really well for me.  It was like I had a second burst of energy after pitstop 4 and I was able to finish off the day walking and arrive at camp again right around 5pm.  I enjoyed a steak dinner Saturday night at camp and some great music and dance party.  I was a bit too sore to dance with everyone, but I got up and tried to dance a little bit.  I stretched and relaxed that evening, knowing I had to get up and walk the last day with as much strength as possible.  Saturday night was not nearly as cold thank goodness, but the hot shower after dinner felt so amazing that I didn't want to get out....

To make sure I stayed warm, I wore my next day clothes underneath my hello kitty footy jammies Saturday night, I know I looked silly but man I stayed much warmer this time around for sure, I think I actually got 4-5 hours sleep this time, so I woke up a bit stiff in morning but much more refreshed than the day before.  


Day 3  - Sunday, November 7, 2010

I wake up, wash my face and brush my teeth and get ready.  It is around 5:30am.  I pack my things and get it all put on the trucks.  I go to take down my tent, can't find any of the stuff to pack it in, I call Tammi (they already no where to be found), she lets me know her husband and Stacy hubby have the stuff and will be taking my tent down for me, awww how sweet.  So I grab my walking stuff and head to get something to eat.  I enjoy my oatmeal with my eggs and bacon while sitting with some girls with some awesome pink hair.  They looked like they were from a Dr. Seuss book :)

I try to stretch a bit, but man I am really feeling some shin splints today.   So I get my things together and I head to jump on the bus that will take us to pit stop 1 where we begin our walk.  I am on the 2nd bus out, so only one bus behind the rest of my team.  Our bus driver first missed the turn into the pit stop so he had to try and make a u-turn with that big vehicle, that was fun.  Then turning into the pit stop area, he almost takes out a telephone pole.  I suppose it was kind of early to try and haul a bunch of people in pink into such a tight area to park. Either way he finally made it in and we all got off the nice warm bus.  I fill my bottles with water and Gatorade and begin my walk.  I am definitely slower today.
Even after a few miles and after an amazing cheering station, my shins are just still hurting.  I end up grabbing a sweep van to pit stop 3, where I can barely get out of the van on my own.  By taking the sweep I guess I caught up to my team I later found out, but they went ahead and continued on without me.  I probably would have slowed them down anyway.  :(  At this pit stop I stretch a lot and do what I can to make myself comfortable.  I had my shins taped up really well and my right ankle.  I took a couple of ibuprofen and then continued on my way.  I probably stayed at this pit stop for about 15-20 minutes, but I wanted to make sure I could keep going without injuring myself.  I begin walking again, and after a few minutes, the taped up shins really began to help.  I walk the entire rest of the day with very little pain.  For about 3 miles right before lunch I walk with a gentleman who appears to be walking alone because he too is injured and lost his team.  He is very pleasant to talk to and we make each other laugh and smile all the way to lunch urging each other on and giving each other pep talks.  At lunch he finds his group and I go walk to go sign the pink fire engine and get pictures.

Lunch was sandwiches again, but that is ok because they were really good like all 3 days.  I take my potty break and fill my bottles and am ready to keep walking.  Only 5 miles or so left for the day!  I walk up the huge hill through the park we had lunch in, watch some homeless guy in the park get arrested for harassing the walkers and begin my journey through downtown Dallas.  I get some awesome pictures of the W hotel and the area where JFK was shot, etc.  I begin conversation with an older lady who seems to be the same pace as me.  We talk about why we are doing the walk and how proud we are of each other, etc.  I walk with her until our final pit stop before the end of our journey.  At the final pit stop I check into a med tent and have a very nice young lady working there help me stretch really well.  She helps me stretch my back and legs and such, since I was having hard time getting my legs up on my own any longer.  The stretch was amazing, when I stood up it was as if the pain went away.  It was time to walk the last 2.5 miles to the finish line!  

Surprisingly, those last miles went very quickly.  I don't know if I had a second wind and was walking faster or what it was, but it seemed to fly by.  Before I knew it, there was Fair park and people cheering just feet in front of me.  I feel tears sting my eyes and the excitement arise in me.  I did it, I finished all 3 days with only 2 sweep vans.  I had taken 4 the previous year and was red-flagged for dehydration the previous year.  So not only did I beat my walking from 2009, I kept myself hydrated and healthy for this trip...I was so proud of myself.  I never did find my team again so I celebrated on my own with myself.  I walked down that victory lane with people cheering me on to get my shirt.  I put my shirt on and joined the victory cheering areas and helped cheer everyone else as they came in also.  There were a few times I got emotional and had some tears leave my eyes, but I was too excited about cheering everyone else in as they finished.  I crossed the finish line around 2:35pm, the final walker crossed just after 4pm.  What an amazing day!


During closing ceremonies a sweet woman and her team of 9, saw I was standing alone, and asked if I would like to finish their 2nd line of 5 for our victory walk to closing ceremonies.  I smiled, of course I did.  She she hugs me and hooks my arm and I walk in with her and her amazing team who are all smiling and happy and welcoming of me.  I walk in and we are invited by the the closing words of the amazing people who put on the event, we shed tears for our amazing survivors who walked with us, have some beautiful music sang to us by the famous Candy Coburn.  

The evening ends with me finding Stephen and Skylar who have already collected my gear from the pick up area and some soft fluzzy slippers.  I'm slow moving and a bit sore but don't think anything of it because I'm ready to tell them all about my adventure....





 The day following the 3day weekend was very rough.  Even with hot shower and stretching, my sciatic nerve became aggravated with my tense muscles and it became very difficult to move without wanting to cry with pain.  I went to doctor about it, he says there isn't really anything I could have done to prevent it, it just happens some times.  So I've been on muscle relaxers, steroids and pain meds for a week, and the pain still exists.  I also found out the reason the shin splints and ankle hurt so much, I tore the ligaments in my right ankle sometime during my walk and they will take 4-6 weeks to heal.  No I am not a big fan of pain and injuries, but even with the recovery time it's going to take me this year, would I do the walk a third time...hell yes.  Will I walk in 2011, possibly not, unless I am able to get an amazing team together, but I will definitely make this journey again in the years to come.   If anyone ever wants to experience a "journey of a lifetime" and help make a difference in the fight for breast cancer, they should visit:

www.the3day.org

For all pictures I took during my walk, please visit:
Breast Cancer 3day photos